This Is Not Writer’s Block

Tags

, , , ,

via Daily Prompt: Adrift

The disconnect is real.

I can’t tell you how many times I came here to write and didn’t. It’s almost as if my brain has forgotten how to function as a writer. How to make plain the jumbled processing of words to describe a situation, or rather how it makes me feel. Either that or I just don’t care to.

Writer’s block, you say? This is not writer’s block.

My last post was three months ago. Three months since I’ve written here. Three months my heart has had nothing to say. But it has, because I’ve been here, opened the blog, sat down with the intention to write only to feel nothing. Only questions and doubts…

Do I really want to talk about this?

I don’t have much to say on this topic.

I don’t feel like doing this anymore.

Why are you staring at a screen? You have work to do.

adrift_by_fictionchick-d5b90p9

Adrift by fictionchick on deviant art 

My mind is lost in an abyss of tiredness and responsibility, never reaching any goals no matter how much I fight and struggle to move from the place I’m in. And my life line is getting farther and farther away. Maybe that’s why I feel so disconnected with myself and have been living like my mind is an empty shell.

But this is not writer’s block. I forgot that if I don’t write, I’ll die. Internally I will whither away and cease to exist.

I’m adrift in the open sea but writing is the dark secrets beneath the water that keeps me wondering, and imagining with fascination what might be there. It’s the buoy that keeps my head above the water’s of life that threaten to drown me. It’s the lighthouse that keeps reminding me, reassuring me that the land is near… it’ll be fine, the light says, just hold on.

This is not writer’s block. This is my soul’s desperate calls for help. To be revived on the brink of death. This is me forgetting who I am and why I’m here. Writing is how I survive in a world that threatens to kill my soul and steal my sanity.

So even though I have a million things to do today, or any day, I will stop to write something. A song, a poem, a plan for a story, how I feel about the world around me, how I feel about myself. It doesn’t matter. Writing is a part of me and I should not neglect it.

– Written by Travesaou

Copyright © Critics May Lie All Rights Reserved

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry – The Little Prince

Tags

, , , , ,

I’ve realised that I can’t be very good at doing book reviews because I’ve read The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry and can only say that it was a wonderful book.

Not much of a review?

Well. Let’s try again.

Of all the chapters I remember Chapter Nine the most, because it was heartbreaking. I actually pouted afterward a bit. Leaving his flower behind. It’s strange how the feeling and the idea of love and how much it binds you even if it hurts and frustrates you to the point that you want to run away from it could be so easily captured in so few sentences as the little prince and his rose bidding each other farewell. I particularly loved the flower’s words as he left.

I’ve been silly,” she whispered at last. “Please forgive me. Try to be happy.”

He was surprised by the absence of reproaches. He just stood there, quite bewildered, with the dome poised in mid-air. He did not understand this quiet sweetness.

“Of course, I love you,” the flower said to him. “If you were not aware of it, it was my fault. That is not important. But you have been just as foolish. Try to be happy…

How is it that life works this way? That we only realise how much we need and love someone until they go away. I guess what is important is that like the flower one at least lets them know. If we all were as honest as this before the fact, we might avoid less heartache.

Otherwise, I don’t understand why people think the book is, “really deep and philosophical.’ The exact words of the woman at the Logos Hope boat book fair who was ahead of me in the very long cashier’s line when she saw me reading it.

logos-books

Thank you Logos for taking all of my money. Does not include the CD’s I bought. 🙂 #broke

 

For me, The Little Prince was just truth and in some instances logic. I doubt I could recognise a drawing of an elephant from the outside or the inside but I have never understood grownups, when I was a child and now as an adult. And yet, at the same time I do understand them, if that makes sense. It is strange but we are strange in what we do and why.

I understand now why they placed the story in the setting that they did in the movie, although I’ve never seen the movie, only previews. Did the directors and screen writers think if they simply told the story of the little prince as it was without the added characters people wouldn’t get it? Maybe. Maybe they were trying to make the philosophy relatable but you know… I think the book speaks for itself the way it is.

The beauty I guess is in the frank simplicity of it. A drunkard drinking to forget that he is ashamed of being a drunkard shows precisely the dangerous addictive cycle of substance abuse.

A geographer waiting for explorers to come his way so he can write down their findings but never considering to be an explorer himself. And the business man, busy counting stars! Don’t even get me started.

choice

It reminded of a conversation I had with a coworker, far too many times frankly. He doesn’t seem to get what I’m saying but then, as the little prince puts it, he’s an adult and adults are strange. While he does what he can to climb the ladder of seniority in the company and is constantly up for achieving another pay grade I do what I am paid to do and go home. I am not bothered with anything else.

He always remarks on my ‘brilliance’ when I help him and keeps pushing me to be on projects with him, telling me I’ll be rewarded if I do as much as I can.

“Don’t worry, if you do the work, you’ll get promoted. You’ll get a raise,” he says.

He does not believe that I simply do not care for it. It is unfathomable to him! Why wouldn’t I? But then, why would I? Maybe it’s because I have so many other activities outside of my day job to care about, that part of me wants to keep this work simple so it’s easier to peel myself away from it every evening, but then it isn’t always that either.

His process makes no sense to me.

Should I wish to have a higher position, like him I will have to go back to school because despite my ‘brilliance’ and ability to get the job done the company will only promote candidates with the proper qualifications. It’s their policy. I’ve done higher education. It was the single most stressful four years of my life. While I was studying I was working days and sometimes nights at that time to pay for school as well (because heck I was brilliant, I could do it!), so you can imagine.

Basically what my coworker is saying is that I should go back to school, immerse myself in a stressful environment and the reward is to come back to work and qualify for a position… that will immerse me into another stressful environment? And increased pay is supposed to suffice for this?

stable

I don’t know, maybe he’s one of those inbred corporate types who thrive off of the daily burgeoning instability of their mental health, but still, what exactly is the outcome here? Because it feels like going in circles. Self-induced madness!

It makes me agree wholeheartedly with the little prince

Men,” said the little prince, “crowd into express trains without knowing what they are looking for. So they become agitated and rush round in circles…” After a pause, he added: “It is not worth the trouble…

It is not worth the trouble. I rest my case. Now I am sure there are many arguments about hard work and success that can counter this but frankly, there is only one thing that interests me about stress.

995241320-stress-quotes-stressed-spelled-backwards-is-desserts_

Now don’t get me wrong, I am a diligent worker. I am a helper. Like the little prince I sweep my volcanoes and pull out baobab’s and do what needs to be done to take care of my tiny piece of the universe. And truthfully, there is inherently a little stress in everything but a lot of it is very, very unnecessary.

My endeavours at anytime must be of some use to me, and me of some use to my work, despite my need to pay my bills. It must be as the little prince put to the business man counting and recounting his stars, “an exercise of real importance’ and fulfilling (outside of monetary gain) at the end of the road.

There are some people who genuinely cannot afford to think like that and because I am an adult I know this! But some of us, most of us, are unnecessarily busy with things that make no sense and do not advance our happiness. If you are going to be ‘too busy’, at least be too busy being happy.

quote-the-happiest-people-are-those-who-are-too-busy-to-notice-whether-they-are-or-not-william-feather-56-96-66

The best thing that I learned from this little prince aka Antoine that I had not known before, was that of the fox. Don’t think because I left it for last or because I am spending so little time on it that it didn’t strike me.

I never thought of relationships like this before, like being tamed. Finding yourself like a wild animal that is now less frightened and more open in the presence of someone who you deem important, to you. Because the two of you have established a bond, and need each other. That’s exactly what it is!

Epiphany of the year! Yes, yes, the book came out in 1943. I’m late! Call it philosophy or call it life! Maybe it’s a little of both. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry gets me, and I get his Little Prince.

littleprince

On a side note, to the left of this page above my growing NaNoWriMo badges I will now be showing what I’m reading, or was reading, at any point in time. Feel free to join me!

– Written by Travesaou

Copyright © Critics May Lie All Rights Reserved

8 Tips For Enjoying The Holiday Season

Tags

, , , ,

You ready for it?

screen-shot-2015-04-06-at-3-39-59-pm

TIP ONE

1st Breakfast

You should have this when you wake up to open gifts at dawn. Something more than lemon water, please. Remember, it is Christmas and crumbs look best in between wrapping paper.

 

TIP TWO

2nd Breakfast

A little heavier than 1st breakfast, this is the morning’s main course. Unless you have some kind of food allergies, which I am sure you would have prepared for anyway, feel free to fill your plate.

Processed with VSCOcam with f1 preset

TIP THREE

Elevensies ‘AKA’ Brunch

We all know breakfast can’t take you all the way to lunch. Especially between preparing lunch and supervising games and playing with gifts. Family and friends can also be exhausting to entertain and have around. Refresh yourself with a light snack, and a chat.

byrev.org

TIP FOUR

Luncheon

Now depending on what country you are in, this is the day’s main meal. This is where you lay out the spread. This is what you have been working on and waiting for all day.

Feel free to try everything and feel NO shame when you ask for seconds!

easter party lunch spread - 1

TIP FIVE

Afternoon Tea

Dessert time. Need I say more? (Don’t actually forget the tea or other preferred drink)

south-american-dulces-primary

TIP SIX

Dinner

Again, depending on what country you are in, this might be the day’s main meal. The venerable Christmas feast. Time to lay the table with EVERYTHING! And call the scavengers in! EAT!

mushroom-kale-lasagna-rolls-2-of-3

TIP SEVEN

Supper

The last meal to close off the day because the talk still sweet and the drinks ain’t done. Better belly buss than good food waste we say here! Coffee or tea is welcome after!

italian-breakfast-panini2

TIP EIGHT

Midnight Snack

We all know you didn’t finish your plate at least once during the day. I can’t sleep on a hungry belly either so feel free to sneak off to the fridge to the spot where you hid those leftovers and enjoy!

new-fridge-611x917

Happy Holidays yeoreobun!!

 

54ead6c0a4eb3_-_thanksgiving-rustic-food-1114-xln

All I Want For Christmas Is Foooooood!!

 

 

– Written by Travesaou

Copyright © 2010-2016 Critics May Lie All Rights Reserved

Should We Celebrate Men?

Tags

, , , , ,

So, November the 19th was International Men’s Day.

mens-day

I meant to post this two days ago. But between a birthday, sleepovers, heavy rainfall and a sudden long power outage, it just was not happening.

But really it was. Since when? Since 1992. Yes, over 20 years now. Doesn’t anybody celebrate it? I hope so but not anybody I know. :/

Didn’t hear anything on the radio… or see any posts on Facebook or Twitter about it but since I was busy with other things, maybe I missed it. Cause I am sure people wouldn’t miss the chance to celebrate the fathers and brothers and husbands and sons who have made the grass greener on their side of the fence.

Wouldn’t they?

I am trying hard to keep this post happy and in good spirits in celebration of the ‘men’s day’ but honestly all I can think about is the jack-ass of a man (referred to hereafter as Jack-ass) who heckled me on the street two days ago while I made my way home from my sister’s, umbrella up, pants soaked and rolled up to my knees.

There was more than one heckler for the day but this particular one kept yelling all the things he would do to me at the 43rd hour of the day (can’t tell you when that is) EVEN after I had turned the corner and he was at the end of the other street. I could still hear him.

really

It made me think that maybe this is why it is hard for people to celebrate or even recognise International Men’s day. Why posts are met with anger and resentment and you have to justify why you posted at all or, you just get no likes or comments because no one wants to say the obvious.

That men have been the cause of most if not all of the world’s ills and detriment throughout history. Now in all honesty, I have to say that that was their own fault because they insist on being in charge all the time! If you would give women a chance to lead you will see that we can shit things up just as badly and then we can level the playing field of blame and you wouldn’t come across as looking so bad all the time. Just a suggestion.

But I sat down to write this and seriously spaced out for 10 mins not knowing what to put down, the man’s voice ringing in my ear and the uncomfortable anger burning in my stomach because I knew I could not do anything about it at the time. People were watching you see. Can’t have witnesses at the scene of a crime.

try me

But I don’t want it to be this way. It doesn’t make sense having a day for men and hardly anyone thinks it’s worthwhile to celebrate it. Well, no one I know. We need to change that. MEN especially need to change that. They need to get more active in dealing with the jackasses that besmudge the good name of their gender. Because I’m harsh with the ones who wreck mine! I’ve gone Star Quality on the few women I know who’s even come around me with this #FuckItUpChallenge madness!

Despite the shit I take from far too many men on a regular basis they should have a better November the 19th. Because men have done good in society and in the world. From inventions, to taking the steps to passing life changing laws that make everyone’s life valuable, to literally physically building towns and cities and nations.

I have great respect for builders. Yes, I know they are not all men, I’m just saying the building you are sitting in right now, or the sky scraper you are looking out at, at some point many people, MOST LIKELY men, together built that with their own two hands. I find that amazing.

It would help A LOT if parents got better at raising their sons to be more respectful of a woman’s space, even in public, and respectful of themselves!

Too many men shy away from close interaction with other men for fear of appearing gay. Quite frankly most men only heckle women to assert that they are NOT because they are so desperately afraid someone will challenge them on it.

Getting boys more open, or rather I should say ‘keeping’ them open because children naturally are very open and loving, it is society that trains them otherwise, is the key to fixing this.

Let our boys know it’s okay to talk to other men about their problems and be close with them and have healthy brotherly relationships. Then they would feel more comfortable in their masculinity because they are accepted by other men as a man not because of what they do to ‘be’ a man, and they won’t have to constantly feel the need to defend that.

boys-playing-school-oct11-istock

 

Just the way that I know women need other women to bond with, so do men need other men. Even I admit Jack-ass had to have been mentally unstable in someway. I mean the 43rd hour? :/  Maybe if he had a ‘brother’ to talk to, someone he could confide in and laugh and talk with so he could affirm his masculinity well… who knows.

But now that I’ve shaken that off I would like to encourage all men to be a force to be reckoned with, in their homes, their jobs, society, the world. Don’t sit around passively. Leave the ‘women are taking the world from us’ mantras in the 60’s and 70’s where it belongs. We all share this world and have to take care of it or muck it up together as time will eventually show.

Be someone who gets things done, is kind and dependable. Because you (your gender) has done it all before. No need to kick up the dust but no need to sweep the desert either. Find your balance in the things and people that make you happy. It’s in this place you can be the best man you can be.

You are needed. You are important. The Jack-ass on the road probably gave someone joy at some point in time in his pitiful life and for that I wish him well.

Happy (Be-It-Late ! 😀  ) International Men’s Day!

– Written by Travesaou

Copyright © 2010-2016 Critics May Lie All Rights Reserved

Even In Our Dreams

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

I really hate my dreams sometimes.

rte

I have very vivid dreams. Most of my stories, the ones I can sit down and plot a beginning and an end for in a day come from my dreams. I almost feel as if I pass into another space and time when I dream, as if I am experiencing me in another dimension. So different and unexpected are the scenarios.

And because it feels real, it invokes serious emotions about things that I have never experienced but because I experienced it in my dream I know how it feels, even if it is just for that moment. Studies have found that the brain is just as active while you are asleep, which is why our body goes into a state of mild paralysis to prevent us from getting up and walking around while we’re sleeping as we might hurt ourselves.

As I said, the initial exaggerated feeling of these dream experiences doesn’t last long but what stays with me, as in my everyday life, is the memory of the feeling. I am not one to hold a grudge for long simply because I honestly forget what the offence was most times but the feeling stays with me. The feeling of being upset with or hurt by this person.

That feeling is a bitch, and most times I can shrug it off because if I can’t recall what you did, then why should I bother. Being upset with someone just takes too much energy. But dreams are different. They rack my mind in a way that real life doesn’t. Maybe I just haven’t had a very traumatic real life experience yet to appreciate the jarring spectacle of reality but I have experienced much trauma in my dreams.

Ever since I was little, as early as four or five, I’ve woken up shaken and in tears, angry or sometimes with a smile. The fantastical monstruos bad dreams are now easier to shrug off as an adult and I have put it to use by making them fodder for my creativity. Those are the ones that get in the story!

Needless to say this dream was a different kind of disturbing, and sad. It was chilling and if I am honest represented deep rooted fears. You know the ones that everyone has but we go along in life as merry as we can be anyway. While it might make a wonderfully meaningless horror story, I won’t be writing it down.

It culminated in one of those quiet awakening moments where your eyes flip open and you are immediately FULLY AWAKE and aware of your surroundings. No drowsiness, no body paralysis to shake off, heart rate up. Just sudden complete consciousness as if you had never been asleep.

Times like this I don’t want to remember my dream far less for creating a picture of words with it. Dreams like these make me question humanity and pace around my house at 4:00 am checking that all the doors are locked and all my loved ones are sleeping safe and sound, and then jump up an hour later because I forgot to check under the beds.

6b7625e27391077a528a0974db801179

Dreams like these make me wonder who didn’t make it home tonight and leave me far more anxious about my own safety on the roads, near home, far away from home, IN my house! Dreams like these make me sad to think that this can actually happen in the world we live in today.

Dreams like these mark out the course of reality and the consequences of it which many of us go about our days not paying attention to because you know, we have all the time in the world. Dreams like this make you sit and pray the hardest you’ve ever prayed, because you are just dazed by the sinking emotion of it all.

I barely watch the news anymore and might read a headline or two on the newspaper. Unless it is a sudden huge tragedy on a worldwide scale I don’t pay attention. It’s just the way I’ve gotten being busy and moving from one day to the next. Maybe I’ve always been that way a little, I don’t know.

But whenever I have a dream like this I think about all the stupid little things I overlook (I actually did leave a door open) that could cause serious harm if someone took advantage of it. I question my laissez faire attitude to death which I am sure I will probably take on again once the shock has passed. Who, outside of the mentally ill, wants to witness or die a gruesome death and then go through or have their families go through the knee buckling grief of it after that?

quote-may-your-dreams-be-sweet-and-your-nightmares-be-spooky-monster-scary-and-not-grandma-donald-glover-143-54-09

Because the truth is tragedy, death, violence, loss and grief can hit any of us at any time and very few of us are prepared for it. Even in our dreams.

– Written by Travesaou

Copyright © 2010-2016 Critics May Lie All Rights Reserved

You might also like Nightmares and Bad Dreams

Poetic Justice

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I was waiting for the preliminaries of gymnastics in the Olympics to pass before I posted this, simply because I wanted people to see something. I am not going to explain the situation between the choosing of Marisa Dick over Thema Williams. The story is out there. Everyone has an idea of what went on even though frankly MOST of us still don’t know the facts even though we are okay with spouting our opinion on it.

But if you want to know more about the story you can read it here and here.

What I AM here to discuss is the reaction to Marisa going to the Olympics and now that she has not made it to the next round, I can safely say my point has been made.

Marisa WC beam3

What was my point? If you had been on Facebook following the litany of comments under any video or mention of Marisa representing Trinidad and Tobago in the Olympics, you would have seen the long, disgusting slew of hate messages there.

Yes, it was on Twitter as well, but I approach Twitter differently than Facebook. If it’s not on my home stream, I ain’t concerned, and my Twitter neighbours while I am ABSOLUTELY sure had their opinions on Miss Dick, kept their decorum together. I just follow wonderfully level headed people.  😀

Facebook on the other hand, not so much. And the fact that I have a lot of pages means I see a lot too. I have been accused of being un-patriotic because I supported Thema, but then wait I refused to bash Marisa too and wished her all the best, so I was also accused of being naive and ‘falling for anything’ and being a band-wagonist! A band-wagonist? Really?

Here’s the thing, which I tried to explain to people who claimed to be trying to teach their children the ‘right’ thing by their stance as they openly sent death threats to the young woman.

83620-chandler-bing-really-gif-frien-n8ip

I support Thema, and let me see what the TTOC is going to do after the Olympics about how she was removed. She’s doing something on her end by suing the TTGF but we haven’t forgotten what happened and that the TTOC let this corruption slide. Does that mean that I am going to withdraw my support for the other athletes? Of course not, and those of you doing that are just looking for an excuse since you weren’t going to support them anyway!

Don’t think for a minute me being upset with the situation will catch me lambasting Marisa either, at ANY time, because unlike a lot of you I know how bad vibes does work.

You all remember that song we used to sing when we were little, ‘Love is something if you give it away, it will come right back to you.’ You all remember that? Well, yuh know what, bad vibes works just the same way.

Separate story here, I know this young lady, pretty, fiesty and we always have a good laugh when we are together but she could bad talk people! And don’t talk about if you cross her, instant hatred towards you for life. For LIFE. Knows nothing about forgiveness! Nothing! But yet still, she’s always praying and begging God to work in her life but could never see her way. The amount of bad stuff that has happened to this woman since I have met her. We’re the same age and I haven’t had half her troubles in my life.

Now I understand what is going on with her…

negativity_quote-1

 

“Hate is something if you give it away, it will come right back to you.”

…but she doesn’t get that and Trinis, I’m sorry but the majority of you all cannot grasp that concept either. You all want to talk about bandwagons? We always quick to jump on the HATE bandwagon, spewing our filth and negativity towards other people. I don’t know if is just the drama and the hype you all like but then you’re left wondering why you constantly catching hell in your life?

Because negativity attracts more negativity! Which is why, sad to say, but said young lady hasn’t spoken to me in a while because she realises I REFUSE to jump on the wagon with her. My positivity, even when I am upset, takes the wind out of her rants! And at the very least if I am really upset I would rather do this…

6867f93e5e5046e3f4f3086ada65624f

…until my emotions simmer down enough for me to make sense. I not playing that! When you deal in bad vibes, it does come right back to you. Like a boomerang.

I knew from the beginning, that IF there was bacchanal and bad mind going on in getting Marisa to the Olympics, then God help her. ‘Cause the bad foundation she started with was bound to crumble, and ent, so said so done? She did not make it past the prelims?

girl_scratching_head_web

So what was the use of all that hate talk then?

You just opened the door to negativity in your life for no reason! You planted the seed of bad vibes around you and your family. You didn’t physically do anything to her (Thank God!) but you didn’t have to go that far either.

You could have just let karma do it’s work.

So all who want to ‘down with Dick’ and send death threats, I sorry for you. As I said, the same way karma came back to Marisa, bad vibes done beginning to take root in your life. Poetic justice waiting for you too.

But you know, I’m just another critic. What do I know? *shrug*

– Written by Travesaou

Copyright © 2010-2016 Critics May Lie All Rights Reserved

Express Article today Marisa Dick Down In Style

Let’s All Share

Tags

, , , ,

Okay, so let’s be honest for a second. I love honesty. It’s hard. Hell, it stings like a paper cut sometimes but 90% of the time if you have an open mind, it is worth it.

Of course most people don’t have open minds but that’s another topic.

What I want to highlight is the issue with the small child who crawled into a gorilla cage at the Cincinnati zoo and who was subsequently roughly dragged and tussled by one of the gorillas in there who was killed to save him.

Now the child was physically unharmed in the end but… *audible sigh* People, could you please stop with all the hate towards the mother of the child. It’s getting ridiculous now as hate rampages nowadays normally are.

Yes, my first thought was, ‘How the hell did he get in there? Wasn’t anyone watching him?’

But, and a BIG BUT! All you parents (and non-parents who have had to regularly watch children that are not your own), ask yourself, have you honestly never, ever, ever, EVER, EVER, ever (sing it like Kanye, you’ll understand) lost track of one of your children/temporary charges before?

running-away-1200x800

Two blinks, and suddenly he’s a little further away from you than you would have liked.

Have they ALWAYS been in your sight the entire time you all were out? ESPECIALLY those with SEVERAL small children!

Please do something for me. Stop lying. Just stop. Stop passing blame.

Anything can happen in a few seconds. Especially with small, fast, tiny feet which is why you have to watch them so carefully but it is almost near impossible to keep your eyes on them ALL THE TIME! Deep within your heart YOU KNOW THIS! Yes, I’m looking at you parent police!

Did the gorilla have to die? Of course not. They could have tranquilised it but we don’t know what the full situation was like. Maybe they panicked, maybe they were unprepared. But that is not the mother’s fault (clearly this child has no father…) The zoo keepers chose that route and despite what we may think, they said they had good reason for it. Why was the facility so unsecured that a child could get into the cage to begin with? Maybe they just didn’t take 3 year old ninjas into account when they built it. I don’t know but the decision to shot the gorilla and not tranquilise him was their call. Not the mother’s.

But you know what is the real big question? Most people who were quick to scream, ‘omg, the poor gorilla is dead now. How stupid and selfish that it had to die over this’ would not think to ask…

“Omg, how stupid and selfish of the human race to cause the gorilla to be on the brink of extinction so that the only way we can preserve the species is in this tiny, fake, jungle reserve to keep it safe, from our own species.”

1599754890_cffc37b7dd_z

This lioness is not actually in the wild, and it’s just yawning.

Much misplaced compassion but the fact is the gorilla would still be alive if we didn’t have it in captivity in the first place and we have them in captivity because we keep killing them out so, nope, I don’t see how that’s the mother’s fault. That’s on all of us. The human race of course.

So if you are going to blame the mother, take your share of blame, one time!

– Written by Travesaou

Copyright © 2010-2016 Critics May Lie All Rights Reserved

The Worst Term Invented in the 21st Century

Tags

, , , , , ,

I rarely ever browse through my WordPress reader, which is why I don’t really follow peoples blogs because I know I’m never going to have the time to read their stuff anyway. It’s always in, post and out for me here. But after a 4:30am wake up call followed by a long and tiring Glorious Saturday, I decided to purposefully put everything I have to do down and rest a bit.

And resting for me, the rare instance I get to, normally means sleeping, daydreaming, watching from the long list of movies I’ve missed within the last four years (or more) or reading, not in that order.

o-DAYDREAMING-CHILD-570

Usually day dreaming comes first… and last.

So I decided to browse past the initial ‘RocketNews24’ posts which always seems to be at the top of my WordPress Reader list for some reason (Lindt in Japan is making a white chocolate, green tea iced drink by the way 😀 ) and I wound up reading the ‘Thought Catalog’s, um, catalogue. :/ I am sorry but that US spelling was killing me!

I read a few good articles and particularly liked this one by Mike Zacchio called ‘I’m Sorry, But We Can’t ‘Just Be Friends’. I agree with him and appreciate his honesty but the article made me remember something that I’ve been meaning to talk about for a long time now.

A topic or rather a term that is probably the worst invented in this the early 21st century.

The ‘Friend Zone’.

You know that frown teachers give students when they aren’t paying attention and they ask them a question and the teacher knows they would have known the answer if they had been paying attention? I give that frown to everyone who claims they’ve been friend-zoned, simply because it says more about your attitude than it does about the person who supposedly friend-zoned you.

If they were asking for words to be banned, it would be the first to go for me. I am tired of the memes.

friend-zone-3

Um… last time I checked they were just regular friends given that he never told Hermoine he wanted to be more than just a friend. Not once.

I’m really tired of the justifications. A blogger actually suggested that you should ‘bang’ a woman as quickly as possible even if you have to break up with her afterward because at least you won’t risk being stuck in the friend zone forever because the longer a woman’s with you before you have sex the more likely she is to back out of a relationship before you can have sex.

2

What? I don’t even…

Look, here’s the thing.

I know learning to be an adult is hard, it’s not always straight forward and many of us spend decades really adjusting to the in’s and out’s of it. Outside of the obvious physical changes and increased social responsibility there are real mental and emotional complexities that you just don’t deal with as a child.

But here’s what makes the friend zone utterly ridiculous and more on you than the person you claim friend-zoned you.

#1

You are an adult. You get to decide who you are friends with, and who you are not friends with. This isn’t mummy and daddy taking you to your cousins birthday party even though they’re rude and disgusting and you don’t want to go. This isn’t having to go to a school you didn’t choose in a neighbourhood you didn’t choose and interacting with bullies and people you don’t relate to because you’re a child and have more or less no control over your life.

When you’re an adult, you have the freedom to choose your own friends. You don’t have to be friends with people if you don’t want to. Nobody can PUT you in a friend ‘zone’ unless you LET them. Cause you’re an adult now. Got that? Right. Moving on.

#2

I have yet to meet a mind reader. If you like someone and DO NOT tell them, how the hell are they supposed to know? Because you made them a mix tape? Cause you brought them flowers? Cause you are really nice and the two of you have friendship bracelets?

Granted, statements like these can send serious mixed signals.

 

friendzone-girl-frienzoning-a-man

Do people really say things like this? :/ Just to their friends who are in relationships, right? You would have to be dead sure that a friend is not interested in you At All to say something like this to them. Still no excuse though.

However, at the end of the day adults don’t make excuses and hold people accountable for their assumptions. You like somebody tell them. You don’t have the courage to say how you feel then that’s your problem but stop assuming that the person you were interested in should have guessed or should have picked up on your subtlety because it doesn’t work like that.

#3

So let’s say you do like somebody, you’re honest with your feelings and they honestly tell you, ‘I’m sorry. I do not feel the same way about you’ and then they proceed to ask, I assume like in the ‘Thought’ article, to still be friends with you. Why would you remain friends with them if that is the last thing you want to do?

friend-zone-22

Men, women, whoever. This has always been my sneaking suspicion.

 

This is a serious question. I just don’t understand the emotional logic behind it. Even if you’ve been friends with someone since childhood and it isn’t a, ‘you’re okay but I just met you last month’ kind of friendship. This might be a good friend who you want to keep.

Even then, I still think it is perfectly okay to get some distance between you and the other person to come to grips with the fact that the hope that you had (who knows how long you were holding onto it) that the two of you could’ve been together isn’t going to work out , because they don’t want the same thing as you.

Now the author said in the article that he might sound petty, but what is so petty about that? Wanting to properly get over someone after having strong feelings for them? I suppose the reason why people think it’s petty is because if you and the person were friends before then a ‘true’ friend would still always be there for you through thick and thin no matter what.

images

Did I just render my point null and void with too good of an argument? No, wait, I didn’t. Queen of turning it around here….

images

…turning it around…

 

Ah-ha! Because you know what, then if the person telling you they don’t feel the same way was also a good friend to YOU they would understand that you need to take some time for your emotions to heal and that time may involve staying away from them. Boom! Nobody’s saying you can’t be friends ever again, just not right now. They should be cool with that because, you know what we’re friends and we understand each other.

Which brings me to my last point.

#4

I have never been friend-zoned, but I have had the opportunity to ‘friend-zone’ and didn’t even think about doing that. I think it is perfectly alright if after you have poured out your heart to me and I have smashed it into the ground and danced on it like I’m crushing grapes for wine season, for you to not want to be around me anymore. I have no problem with that.

Because my expectation is that those feelings are not just going to go away because… well… feelings like that just DON’T go away. And for you to be around somebody, day after day, knowing full well they don’t want you, and have to be constantly tortured by the ‘why’ behind that, no, no, no!

I, DO NOT want to put anybody through that least of all a friend. I have had people in my life who have insisted on staying friends after I danced on their heart and they were simply, not kind afterward.

seriously

No other way to put it.

They were bitter and resentful and constantly taking offence and I was constantly in this apologetic state because I knew why they were upset. We became anything but friends. It was emotionally exhausting and I either drew away from them because ‘I told you we shouldn’t have stayed friends’ or in the case where I felt like the person could take my honesty I gave them my honest opinion.

You wanted to be friends, so be a friend. Don’t say you want to then be an ass. That doesn’t work. If you need some time then take it, until we can be friends again without this hurt in your heart and all this bitterness between us.

reject

Of course the other side is the person who says they want to “just be friends” or pretends to like someone only so that they can play off the person’s feelings for them to get what they want from them, when they have absolutely no intention of actually having a full out relationship with them. Ever. That is actually what I thought friend-zoning was!

But that’s just the devil’s work. A real friend would never have you around simply to use you for their own gain. You need to cut ties with those blood suckers immediately.

****

Now, I know it exists, but I have never met someone who has said, ‘oh, I friend-zoned this person last month.’ I have met many people who have said, ‘this ‘person’ have me in a friend-zone.’ So, it’s my impression that the people who are ‘friend-zoned’ many times put themselves there because of two things.

They never were a friend to begin with and are waiting for an opening to get into said ‘friend-zoners’ pants, because you know, that’s what they wanted in the first place.

Or, they just don’t want to be an adult and deal with their own feelings and be honest with themselves and their friend about what they really want in the relationship with them. Blaming somebody else and claiming they friend-zoned you is childish.

You have control over what you want with your life. It is okay to walk away and regain your composure. Some people just need some time to bounce back. If you stick around as a friend, even though that is the last thing you want, then you put yourself there.

And if the person thinks you’re not being a true friend because you put a pause on their friendship as soon as they rejected you well they don’t understand how emotions work. Love is as complex as it gets, because it is so damn simple! You either feel it or you don’t. A real friend will wait for you because they will understand that you are hurt.

PositiveTruth70

Double whammy! I rest my case.

I suggest you at least say why you want to ‘just be friends’. Even if the reason isn’t good enough for them, this person just came out of their comfort zone just to get dismissed by you. You don’t owe them a reason, but be kind.

It’s also fine if a person dismisses you. You got to know them as friends first, decided they were your type and presented your intentions. It’s called socialising. But not everyone is into everyone in that way. They may be your type but you’re not theirs. That’s just the way it goes sometimes.

So stop blaming people for friend-zoning you and put on your big boy and big girl pants…

img-thing

Show them how it’s done…

…and be adults and say what you want and not settle for something that you don’t want if you don’t get it. It’s okay to see to your emotions, it’s part of your overall health. Otherwise you may end up just being bitchy to each other and destroy whatever friendship the two of you had left with all those bad emotions. Don’t do that.

And totally unrelated, I am a hopeless case. When I am supposed to be resting I am writing and when I am supposed to be writing I am reading articles and when I am supposed to be working I am resting. *beats up on the floor*

I just, I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Remember, critics may lie, so decide for yourself. Oh, and Happy Easter. 😀

– Written by Travesaou

Copyright © 2010-2016 Critics May Lie All Rights Reserved

 

First World Problems – Social Injustice and Emojis

Tags

, , , ,

This blog post came out of nowhere!

I have been making notes on what to write about for weeks now and nothing seemed to stick long enough to make me want to open the browser. But this! This kinda annoyed me and it’s only because I wrote about the campaign before and loved the initial idea.

So excuse me while I take a moment from procrastinating with reading unrelated articles, when I should be writing, to further pack my time with stuff that I really should not be doing right now.

Cryingsmall

Cries inwardly at my lack of commitment

And yes! I am going to be using a lot of these body-less heads during this post because that’s what I am writing about today. EMOJIs and EMOTICONS!

Not just in general, but pertaining to the new Always Emoji ad from their #LikeAGirl campaign. Now as I mentioned before, I covered the #LikeAGirl campaign a year ago on this blog and I was all for it. I don’t pay much attention to the idiots who use my gender to insult someone and then expect me to think it’s just a joke but younger girls are subject to this. I know because I was a young girl once. Girl jokes sucked for me then and it will probably suck for the girls now too.

Now the original ad (which you can find in the link above) and a few others that were made after them were very enlightening.

However this new one…

I know this is a social campaign for monetary gain but my face actually looked a lot like this after ward.

seriously

My favourite emoji by the way

I am confused. Always has given me some cute girls, musing about getting more characters on a chat system that are distinctly female like them and not male. I am sorry but I checked half the emoticons on my phone that they called and you just CANNOT tell if it is male or female. Many of them are ambiguous where gender is concerned.

Now if they want new ones, fine. I have no problem with that. Go ahead and ask. It is a service and we are the customers.

But why try to make it into this humongous social injustice that are tying girls confidence down? When did emojis and emoticons become a statement of identity? Do girls and young women really find themselves sad and disheveled in a corner seriously doubting their self worth because they can’t find a female lawyer emoji or lady bicycle emoji to send to their friends to express themselves?

Frustrated

Sorry, Always. NOT drinking the cool aid on this one. Another favourite emoji

Yes, I am using a lot of emoticons! Emojis and emoticons are fun! Even my own mother uses them! Just today she sent me this one!

face-throwing-a-kiss

And then I sent her back this one!

smiling-cat-face-with-heart-shaped-eyes

PoW! Kitty cat!

Emojis and emoticons are great quick ways to express yourself because sometimes you don’t always need words (or have time for them) and nothing is wrong with liking them. However, this whole Always Emoji campaign is honestly just making more out of something than it really is.

How do we say it on Twitter?

#FirstWorldProblems

img-thing

Give me a blasted chance

I have never once noticed that the girl/lady emoji wore pink! Ne-ver. If I had been randomly asked I would have drawn a complete blank. Never gave it a second thought. Why? Because it’s not important! Who cares? I almost feel ridiculous for writing a whole blog post about this!

Because emoticons DO NOT validate my existence. They never did and they never will. And if they validate yours or your child’s existence you probably need to sit down and think over your life and more importantly your parenting strategies.

Here. Want some weighty social injustice to get your girls AND boys behind? This is a Much Much Much Much More Important Gender Inequality Issue

– Written by Travesaou

Copyright © 2010-2016 Critics May Lie All Rights Reserved

This Could Have Been Me

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Let me see how I am going to explain this now…

Following the Mayor of Port of Spain’s comments on the death of Japanese national Asami Nagakiya two days ago patrons met on Woodford Square in Port-of-Spain to share how his comments affected them and to protest his apparent unconscious discrimination towards women in a position of authority. I would like to do the same.

I hate to accuse people of indifference but if you are a man you cannot fully understand how the majority of women felt, which is why I was not surprised that so many men misunderstood the outrage, my own father (who is convinced it is a political ploy and the Mayor said nothing wrong) being one of them.

You can sympathise, as many men have. Thank you. Your support is appreciated. Trust me, it is! More than you know, because it means mind sets are changing.

However, there is just something that you will never fully grasp about what it literally feels to be a woman in this world. Especially a woman whose life isn’t sheltered by anyone (sheltered women tend not to get it either). For the kind of woman who takes chances and faces the world on her own terms, there are real dangers that lie await for her that just do not exist for men. And these women know this and live with the fear of it every single day.

Asami seemed to be one of those women. I am sure it was not easy and even a little terrifying for her to leave her home literally thousands of miles away and travel to another country to pursue a dream. This requires courage and faith, no matter who you are. Who knows what predators could have been waiting to dupe and take her away from the time she stepped off the plane that first day in Trinidad many years ago. I don’t need to know her to assure you as a woman that she had those fears, they were very real to her. She knew the risks of having to trust in the help of strangers and came anyway.

Now I am going to say something very controversial.

Every woman is afraid of men.

images

“I ain’t afraid of no one! This lioness run shit!”

1599754890_cffc37b7dd_z

Right?

Now before you triumphantly cast my opinion aside with your own ‘I Am Woman, Hear me Roar’ stance, understand this.

Saying that women fear men isn’t a statement to belittle them. It refers to a history long ingrained fear that most women are not even aware of. Much like the ingrained discrimination towards women and even misogyny that many men are not aware of. It refers to a fear that is continually perpetrated and confirmed by society’s actions towards women.

It doesn’t matter if on a scale of 1 to 10 you are a “scream and run away from even the sight of a man – 10” or a “mild fear but I’ll bust a cap in yo ass if you try something – 1” on the scale. There IS still a fear.

Test.

Women, I want you to imagine. Just a moment with me, really immerse yourself in this scenario and imagine you are walking completely alone in a car park or on a dark road somewhere. How you got there doesn’t matter. Where you are going doesn’t matter. This is a general scenario.

The point is that you have been sensing that someone or something has been following you for a while now. You feel in danger and finally you hear the footsteps coming clearly behind you and turn around quickly to see…

…… according to Mayor Tim Kee, let your imagination roll a bit.

Now be honest with what the ‘figure’ looked like, down to built, clothing and, most importantly gender. What IMMEDIATELY comes to mind? A cat? A dog? Another woman? What? What you see is a mental stereotype of your inner fears, the first thing you would expect should you be in that situation which is a common situation faced by many women around the world.

Mine would look like one of two things.

tumblr_l8r1u05a421qdg3rro1_400

Yes, I am deathly afraid of dinosaurs, particularly velociraptors. Thank God they are extinct. Not kidding.

And the second most likely thing to come to mind which I am sure came to the minds of many women (be honest), is a shifty, crazy eyed, hungry looking man who is following me for God knows what.

Now with all of this in mind, I think it is understandable that the discovery of Miss Nagakiya’s body on Ash Wednesday and the subsequent discovery that she didn’t just have a major heart attack and die on the spot but that she was STRANGLED to death would make me and I am sure thousands of other women squirm inwardly, in the most horrible gut wrenching way.

That could have been me. I come home after dark all the time. I walk down dark roads, busy streets, take public transport at late hours ALL the time.

Does it make sense that I take these risks which to others might clearly be situations I can avoid? Because according to our Mayor Tim Kee I am responsible for my own safety.

So I should wait an extra hour (even though I am tired and know the longer I wait the harder it will be for me to get transportion) until an almost full car with at least two other women in it comes by. And I should take the long way around (and it real long eh, like a 40 minute walk longer when the short cut is two minutes!) instead of cutting through a side street to get home.

No, I should do that. It is after all my responsibility to keep myself safe.

try me

And even moving around ‘Madea style’ isn’t a sure thing. Do guns protect women.

Or maybe I should just stay home, hide away from the dangerous world and never do anything or pursue a dream that requires me to come outside, in my life, EVER. But at least I would be safe, right? I am sure some woman who has been attacked in their own home where they thought they were safe had the same idea too.

What I want to ask the Mayor is why should these simple actions, of getting up and going to work, to school, having leisure activities, why should these things even be a risk for me? Why should I have to be afraid of being attacked alone on a dark street at all?

Is that a concern for my male counterparts because I see men taking that same short cut all the time but I wonder if they have the same fear as me or if they SHOULD be attacked will they be accused by our Mayor of being irresponsible with their safety?

Honestly, I wasn’t so much offended by the Mayor’s comments as I was hurt. Yeah, I was angry at first. The proof is all over Twitter. But later it just really upset me. Like the time I read that report about the pitbull that attacked and killed that little boy who was deaf and dumb. I couldn’t eat all day thinking of that. Imagine he never even ‘heard’ the dog coming and couldn’t speak to call for help. A truly terrifying death.

I looked at Miss Asami’s body and saw myself, saw my sister, my mother, saw every woman who I have ever cared about and felt an unsettling pain in my stomach. To know that this was all any of us would get if we were in that situation. A dismissive smile (yes, the man smiled in the report like it was actually amusing) from the authorities who are meant to help protect us. And while he may have later reflected on his comments as not being appropriate, why say it? It is very telling of some hidden beliefs he might have.

0ed99e3

I agree with the march. Simply because (what Margaret Mead said) and also I had to really ask myself, do I really want someone with such underlying negative views on women making decisions about my safety? This is not me excusing people for not making better choices. This is me being genuinely concerned for my safety and saddened by the effort that would be put into bringing my possible demise by a madman to justice, because those responsible for bringing about that justice thought that maybe it was my fault!

The fact is that someone else’s bad intentions for you is not your fault.

Your comment could not have been more ill-timed and insensitive, Mr. Tim Kee. I would have had no problem if a circular was released a fortnight later from the mayor’s office, urging women (I am not kidding myself into believing they would say ‘everyone’. Please.) not to travel alone and beware of their surroundings while in the city and what not, because even though I find it unfair to always have to be looking over my back for the predator that might be lurking behind me, it is the reality.

But if that was your daughter Mr. Mayor, the ONLY thing you would have wanted to hear at that moment was, “I am sorry for your loss. We are doing everything to solve this. Our deepest sympathies go out to her family and friends.” Full stop. All of this outrage against you could have been avoided so easily.

img_20160212_111611

One of the signs held by a participant of the march today as documented on Square Peg, Round Hole’s blog post Have a read there too!

Yes, Carnival was just around the corner. Even I find myself often shocked and confused at the display of revellers (not JUST women) during that time. But this woman’s death had nothing to do with the revellery of Carnival.

It had to do with someone who wished ill on Miss Asami. Someone who probably watched her and planned and acted on this wish (unless you also think she did something to make someone want to strangle her to death) subsequently ending her life.

And whether it was Carnival, Easter or a Christmas lime at home or whether she was dressed in a Carnival costume, or in a jeans and a t-shirt, or a burka, or with a sign around her neck saying ‘Please Don’t Hurt Me. God is watching you’, it wouldn’t have changed a damn thing if they wanted to do that to her.

And if you don’t understand that Mr. Mayor then all you are doing is continuing to assert the psychological fear that women have for men. You are proving that you don’t really understand the injustice of this woman’s death or the negative affects your comments have had as they reinforce a social stigma and belief that places half the population in danger.

TRINIDADTOBAGO/MURDER

Asami Nagakiya, another woman I don’t know but for whom my heart bleeds for the injustice of her death. Again, every woman thought it. ‘That could have been me.’

And that is how I feel about the comments the Mayor made. I am not even going to talk about his passive aggressive ‘sorry-not sorry’ apology that just added insult to injury. It was ridiculous. After all the love and commitment she has given to playing the steel pan, a pivotal achievement in our culture, Miss Asami Nagakiya deserved more than your assumptions.

The women of this country are waiting to trust in your judgement again. Please think of your gender and do better.

– Written by Travesaou

Copyright © 2010-2016 Critics May Lie All Rights Reserved

You might also like Say Hello Anyway, Street Harassment Killing Random Friendliness