So on the brink of midnight, 11:30 to be exact, there are two things bothering me.
The first thing is quite expected. I can’t find my pen-drive. Not that I lose it often, but at this moment yesterday when I was putting it away that little voice that is always bloody right!! Said within me, ‘don’t just drop your flashdrive anywhere put it where it’s supposed to be or else you won’t be able to find it tomorrow when you need it!’ Needless to say, I didn’t listen. What I was doing that prevented me from reaching down next to my seat and sticking it in my bag pocket where I always leave it!! and putting it instead …God’s knows where else, I have no idea! Ah well, once sleep take, everything else has to wait.
Which brings me to the second thing that’s bothering me. New Year’s resolutions. Strangely enough this was the first year in a looo-ong time that I haven’t celebrated on New Years’ Eve with fireworks and toasting something, eating fruit cake and Christmas cookies or what’s left of it. I don’t know I just didn’t feel for any hoorah this old year’s and frankly I could still sip some wine and watch as the neighbours put on enough hoorah for all of us. Not that I’m suddenly hating the season or anything like that, I think I’m really just tired and want to go to sleep earlier. However, despite my lack of celebratory ‘vibes’, this is the one year that I actually want to make a New Year’s Resolution! Or two or three.
Like going to sleep earlier for one. I have zombie-titus. It’s not that I’m not tired or can’t go to sleep I just can’t stop doing! After spending all day at work for ‘the man’ I can’t forgive myself if I don’t pay attention to my interests at the end of the day, like my writing and my business, talking to my family about their day and those kind of things and if it keeps me from sleep then so be it. So, I can give about 2 hours to get ready for work, 8 hours on the job, almost 3 hours in total to traffic!! but I can’t get six hours in a day to tend to the things that I need to do? Who will bite the dust this year in order for me to get more sleep?
Which brings me to another resolution. Maybe I should be a bit more organised. The problem about being organised is that it’s tiring and it needs a lot of focus and it’s a bit hard to focus when you’re running on five hours or less of sleep a day! Chasing my tail, chasing my tail.
Should also resolve to do the things I want to do more than what I have to do? How is that even possible given the dilemmas in my first two ‘proposed’ resolutions? I evidently have no time, little focus and am running on little ‘sleep’ fuel, going in circles and wondering who will have to bite the dust so I can have a break! Argh!
I’m sure by now you’re wondering how in the world was 2011 for me?
Ohhhhh, um? ..rrrrrgrrrrrrr…arghhhh …..(brain freeze, banging my head against the wall). I couldn’t say really, I don’t remember. I believe lack of sleep also causes memory loss. Hmmm, ah well….
I do remember all the things I said was going to do and didn’t. I remember all the things I planned for but it didn’t get off the ground for whatever reason. I remember all the things I started but didn’t finish. Which makes me wonder if I should even bother making any resolutions at all! Ha!
Why do people make resolutions anyway? Especially when most of them just get broken? Maybe it’s just a challenge for yourself, a dare? Or a step, even if just a tiny one, in a better, more fulfilling direction, to see a change in yourself and how it would feel if you did that one thing differently, even just this once. Be more adventurous, more lively, mix things up a bit. In this aspect, to strive for a betterment in oneself, that could also in the long run enrich others lives along with yours, New Year’s resolutions do have some merit.
Like the parent who resolves to take better care of themselves so they can have more energy to spend time with their children. Or the worker who resolves to at least try to get along with their co-workers so that they don’t come home stressed from the office everyday and ultimately ease their families and themselves from some ‘passed on’ stress as well. Or the person who resolves to give more, and love more, and share more, and care more and by whose actions enrich the lives of all around them.
And when you think about it, just by creating a resolution, by vowing to try to make something better within yourself that will provide visible positive results, is admitting to yourself that no one’s perfect and anyone can stand to improve something about them.
In that mode, I think everyone should make a general resolution to at least TRY to just be the best person they can be this year, no matter what the specific resolution is, that basically covers it all. Unless, you’re like a friend of mine and your resolution is to find a rich husband this year so you can finally get your car and your house. Ha, if only it were that easy.
Maybe it is? Ey, at least it’s better to resolve to try, than to not try at all. Ah-ha! You see, resolve to keep trying, and I found the pen-drive. It’s working already.