I really hate my dreams sometimes.
I have very vivid dreams. Most of my stories, the ones I can sit down and plot a beginning and an end for in a day come from my dreams. I almost feel as if I pass into another space and time when I dream, as if I am experiencing me in another dimension. So different and unexpected are the scenarios.
And because it feels real, it invokes serious emotions about things that I have never experienced but because I experienced it in my dream I know how it feels, even if it is just for that moment. Studies have found that the brain is just as active while you are asleep, which is why our body goes into a state of mild paralysis to prevent us from getting up and walking around while we’re sleeping as we might hurt ourselves.
As I said, the initial exaggerated feeling of these dream experiences doesn’t last long but what stays with me, as in my everyday life, is the memory of the feeling. I am not one to hold a grudge for long simply because I honestly forget what the offence was most times but the feeling stays with me. The feeling of being upset with or hurt by this person.
That feeling is a bitch, and most times I can shrug it off because if I can’t recall what you did, then why should I bother. Being upset with someone just takes too much energy. But dreams are different. They rack my mind in a way that real life doesn’t. Maybe I just haven’t had a very traumatic real life experience yet to appreciate the jarring spectacle of reality but I have experienced much trauma in my dreams.
Ever since I was little, as early as four or five, I’ve woken up shaken and in tears, angry or sometimes with a smile. The fantastical monstruos bad dreams are now easier to shrug off as an adult and I have put it to use by making them fodder for my creativity. Those are the ones that get in the story!
Needless to say this dream was a different kind of disturbing, and sad. It was chilling and if I am honest represented deep rooted fears. You know the ones that everyone has but we go along in life as merry as we can be anyway. While it might make a wonderfully meaningless horror story, I won’t be writing it down.
It culminated in one of those quiet awakening moments where your eyes flip open and you are immediately FULLY AWAKE and aware of your surroundings. No drowsiness, no body paralysis to shake off, heart rate up. Just sudden complete consciousness as if you had never been asleep.
Times like this I don’t want to remember my dream far less for creating a picture of words with it. Dreams like these make me question humanity and pace around my house at 4:00 am checking that all the doors are locked and all my loved ones are sleeping safe and sound, and then jump up an hour later because I forgot to check under the beds.
Dreams like these make me wonder who didn’t make it home tonight and leave me far more anxious about my own safety on the roads, near home, far away from home, IN my house! Dreams like these make me sad to think that this can actually happen in the world we live in today.
Dreams like these mark out the course of reality and the consequences of it which many of us go about our days not paying attention to because you know, we have all the time in the world. Dreams like this make you sit and pray the hardest you’ve ever prayed, because you are just dazed by the sinking emotion of it all.
I barely watch the news anymore and might read a headline or two on the newspaper. Unless it is a sudden huge tragedy on a worldwide scale I don’t pay attention. It’s just the way I’ve gotten being busy and moving from one day to the next. Maybe I’ve always been that way a little, I don’t know.
But whenever I have a dream like this I think about all the stupid little things I overlook (I actually did leave a door open) that could cause serious harm if someone took advantage of it. I question my laissez faire attitude to death which I am sure I will probably take on again once the shock has passed. Who, outside of the mentally ill, wants to witness or die a gruesome death and then go through or have their families go through the knee buckling grief of it after that?
Because the truth is tragedy, death, violence, loss and grief can hit any of us at any time and very few of us are prepared for it. Even in our dreams.
– Written by Travesaou
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