There are a lot of things that made me feel down this year.
The Attacks on Paris. I actually was listening to the Dark Knight soundtrack the same time I was reading the news on it. Sinister violins, chilling evacuation horns and the hammering of drums behind real life Gotham-esque events? Too real.
People treating the Paris attacks as if it was the only act of terrorism committed this year or, EVER. Too aggravating.
The fact that Jared Fogle got BAIL! Is there no hope for humanity?
The fact that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a married man. This is old news but I honestly did not know! I know that means zilch for some women but for me, that’s a deal breaker, right there.
Dude knew how to rock a pinstripe suit, god-damn! Why? Nope. I am not going through that heartache again! I am over it!
And there were a host of other hurtful family spats that had me truly wanting to curl into a ball and never see the light of day again.
But little did I know that Christmas, yes Christmas. The time for joy and happiness and togetherness and giving was what would put me in the worst slump of all. Okay, it’s a close second maybe third, but it was unexpected which is what makes it so horrible to swallow.
Christmas in my house is something I never have a problem feeling. I am the one decorating and blowing up balloons and helping the smallies with their crafty Christmas cards and dragging everyone out of their beds 6 o’clock on Christmas morning to open presents and making Christmas breakfast.
But this year Christmas feels dead in my house. Completely lost. I live among people who have zero to no Christmas spirit and I am that tired of being over Christmasy every year to make up for it. The scales have officially tipped and I am about ready to let the scrooges win this round. I give up.
This song is my life right now.
Except shut up, Cindy Lou! At least you have a house full of nice Christmas shit. One little Christmas tree. That’s all I have.
Where did it all go wrong this year? The last Christmasy person I know moved out. The Christmas tree went up late (in December, yes this is late). And since I am the only one who cares to put it up and I have been madly busy for the last 4-5 months to have the time, nobody else bothered.
I have to listen to the constant babble from the ‘Scrooge’ about what a waste Christmas is, and what a waste it is to waste the effort of Christmas on such a waste of a Scrooge from everybody else! You know, so why bother?
My charity got cancelled. Christmas giving pumps me up so this just … sigh.
I feel alone in the fight for Christmas this year. I feel as if everyone is moving on with their lives and their Christmas without me. And given that this is the most depressing time of the year for me, for other reasons, I look forward to Christmas to distract me.
But I feel nothing. And the darkness is slowly closing in.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not a sympathy seeking kinda person. I just needed to get that out, and now I have. You see, among my few friends I am known as the one to go to for advice. The one who always has an answer or a solution or just a friendly ear to listen. But I don’t have that. When I get into a rut there’s no one I can go to. It’s up to me to get myself out of the ditch I am in.
I particularly don’t like when people try to cheer me up either. I don’t like to force anything. A gentle nudge is alright but if I am not into being cheerful right now, stop trying to wring it out of me. So if you are trying to ‘cheer’ someone up and they just seem to be getting more and more annoyed with you, take this into consideration. My feelings will work itself out in time. So this is just me, working my way out.
So, normally I pray, listen to some inspirational music, dance like a crazy person, cry and get it out and soldier on. I am going to reassure myself that I can fix Christmas. I don’t believe myself but I am reassuring myself anyway. Because that’s what I do. That’s how I survive and take care of myself.
It does give perspective though. I always watched those shows where people are all ‘I can’t feel the Christmas Spirit’ and wondered ‘how can you NOT feel it? Christmas is Incredible!’ Well, now I know just how friggin hard it is to get yourself Christmasy again. You know, all that ‘true meaning’ of Christmas crap doesn’t seem to be working. I tried it! Heck, I’ve preached it! But I don’t give up easily (Thank God), so I’m gonna try it AGAIN!!
But there’s no reason why you have to be as depressed as me. This is for you!
Wishing you a Christmasy Christmas. One where you feel it and live it and want to have more of it. Give gifts but most of all give love.
So I was going to review the Hunger Games, Mocking Jay part 2 but yu’all know me, if it’s already been said, I try not to say it again. So read the review below. It’s all I would have said.
– Written by Travesaou
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